| | Security: | | | Subject: | . | | Time: | 12:54 am |
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| i love the counting crows.
colorblind is a great song.
i dont know why i feel this way and its really annoying and i cant figure out whats going on.
everything is going fine regardless of all the crap thats happened in the last few weeks.
i feel very unmotivated and lost.
i cant make this go away.
i need a vacation.
i dont like wakes. | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | south park | | Current Location: | orlando...ricks house! | | Security: | | | Time: | 01:05 am | | Current Mood: |  disappointed |
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| florida is fun.
i love beav and mal and erik and matty and joel and hilary and they all mean a lot too me.
all sad things happen at the same time and i dont like it.
and then good things, but the bad things are still in the back of my head.
arg.
bought some stuff.
i like florida, it is toasty.
there are lizards.
i miss home :(
but i still like it here.
home on monday and then back to school...yuck...
i was talking to matty about all the people ive stoppped talking to in the last year and it makes me sad but i think if we were really meant to be awesome friends i wouldnt have to try so hard.
hilary is the awesomest for putting up with my bad caller-backer skills :)
i am tired and we are going malling and beaching and eatting tomorrow.
much love.
-mi | | comments: Leave a comment |
| usually i only write in here when i have something thats bothering me but theres really nothing this time.
nothing different atleast.
summer is going very well, i must say.
thankfully school has been done for a while..UNthankfully...i completely fucked up.
i wasted the entire semester and i dont even have a good excuse.
i dont have ANY excuse.
but i think im back on track now. ive already registered for next semester and changed my major from business to human studies. i think that psychology and sociology will settle in better than the math and marketing did.it just wasnt interesting.
i still DEFINTELY want my store and i keep getting what i think to be pretty stellar ideas for it but its going to take me a while to find books and stuff to read on my own to learn the business things i WONT be learning in school.
INDIGO was SUPPOSED to be my summer job. and when i worked there 2 years ago it was the best thing ever. its the only job ive ever liked going to and actually showed up to when i was supposed to. but they are all stupid and really shitty at finding me hours and i HATE being treated like a girl and like i cant do shit.i could have kicked any of those guys fat asses.
whatever though. eckerd likes me so i work there now in the pharmacy and im really excited.
erik left for florida.i only ever cry about 3 boys and he is one of them.i know he needed to go and do school stuff and december will come quickly but i miss him so much. watching him drive away was the worst feeling ever.july is the month of bad luck so im glad everything is going well.even though he was mean sometimes,i miss him more than i ever thought possible. i cant imagine ever losing someone that close to me.
joel and i are dong pretty awesome.its been over six months and i think im doing ok keeping my attention in the right spot.its hard, but im rather proud of myself.i feel like im in a triathalon or something.
dan is always in here somewhere and he was supposed to call me, go figure, 2 weeks ago so we could make plans and do something. he knew he wasnt going to. its always just a goven with him that one week means three and two weeks means a month. but when he DOES call...i will probably forget he took so long anyways....arg.
pretty much this summer is just turning out much better than i thought although i still need many more hours of hangout time with some people i havent seen in a while...they know who they are...
for the rest of the summer...nothing im feeling is staying in...i try to always make sure people know my opinion and whats going on and why im pissed off and shit like that but lately a certain few have been on my nerves and they've got one more chance...hahaha.i just really dont have the patience...or the time...to be wasting on someone who just plans on blowing me off when there are a few people i could be calling and hanging out with.
here is my agenda...maybe you can write it down on your calendar or something, i dont know.
tomorrow and tuesday morning- joel-days in the morning..important for him and his family..i have to try not to cry and it is notNOTNOT easy.i sort of wonder if his brother would have liked me.
tomorrow tuesday restOFday-sun? so im not so pastey looking.tickets!clean!haircut?!
thursday-eckerd!!!my new job! i work there!!! its my workplace!! im very excited.
friday-special delivery for ME! via UPS..my DRESS. making some alterations on it after that.
thats it...
its really just the same few things over and over.
im tired now...im sure you pretty much really upset that ive finished typing so early so just call me and i will fill you in on anything else youd like to know.
or we can just hang out.
love and legos,
edward norton and friends | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | MJ...yep...thats right. | | Security: | | | Subject: | ahhhhhSHhhhhiiit | | Time: | 02:43 am | | Current Mood: |  confused as fuck |
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| motherfucker.
so everytime i write in here its almost always for the same thing.
and i didnt re-read my last entry like i usually do before i write a new one but i do remember what it said and it was sort of sad.dont be sad though.i hate saying things that make people feel likee they need to feel bad for me.no need for that.
why the hell did he call me?!?@?!@)@? argg..last weekend was the other person of the 3 that fuck w/ my head and i figured once this weekend was over id be fine because those shitty feeling feelings usually only last a week after i talk to them.
BUTOFCOURSE
i get a text message while quietly sitting and watching TV w/ the b/f.my heart...stopped.
completely.
and then started beating really quickly in an out-of-my-chest kind of way.
i sent him one back and then he called me.
but im nice so i told him id call him back and waiting for the b/f to leave.
we talked for an hour.until my phone died. im never able to talk to someone on the phone for that long.EVER.and i never laugh that much EVER. arg.gahdammit.and im going to get my hopes up again...as usual...and he wont call for a while...as usual..but i cant call him because im too nice to get him in trouble when she sees my name show up on his phone.
we'll see what happens i guess. id like to think that i have too many other things that i should be thinking about right now and i shoudlnt be wasting my time w/ him and the crap that he puts me through.i cant help it though...i always think that maybe theres a chance that they'll break up. hes too perfect. it sucks. massively.
almost 5 months.
i love him.
but.
i love HIM too.
shitfuckbastard.
confusedly yours.
Cal Ripken Jr. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | nothing..empty broken ipod | | Security: | | | Time: | 05:46 pm | | Current Mood: |  mer |
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| I think everything is going unusually well right now and although i like to try and be as optimistic as possible i know that something bad has to happen soon. hopefully it will be one of the things that i am used to handling so i wont have too much extra to think about, because although things are going better-than-usual id like to not have to put so much effort in keeping things the way they are.
i am getting worse and worse at going to class.
but ive read 3 books in the last month.
so i sort of feel as if thats a trade off. every good thing usually comes with something bad so maybe the school/reading thing is just something of that sort.
going to the gym lately is also sort of nice i feel like im atleast making an attempt at being healthier. but i dont plan on eatting any differently. i figure if i go to the gym but eat the same crap as usual then they will cancel each other out.
looks as if school somewhere other than erie clown college next semester is good.
no job, still..its cool though selling shit on ebay is working out fine too.
and the whole relationship thing is going really well and im def. proud of myself for not picking it apart so much like i have been the last 3 months.i have noticed that i usually see the bad before the good but i think that that way theres almost always something to look forward to and things can always get better because the shitty stuff is already over with.
yesterday was pretty fantastic and borders and people jumping out of trunks and nougat and everything having to do with friday mkes me uber-happy.
what a stupid word
im supposed to be getting ready to go but im trying to find things to do so that my arrival time will be delayed a little bit.i feel bad saying that but at the same time om trying to think about myself a little more than usual, not in a conceited way but i sort of seem to be catching on to he fact that i try to help other people w/ whatever is going on with them because then i dont have to think about whats going on with me.thats mostly the way i like for things to be though, helping other people and just listening thats kind of my "forte" or something.
my hair is poofed out like tina turner in the morning so i have to go but thank you for entertaining me and making me think i make sense.
im going to start my own TV show and it will be friday nights in the car with a camera in the center if the roof spinning around as we each say some really thoughtful and deep sentence, just one at a time, having to do with all of the exciting scandalous things that happen here. even though thats not true.
and if that doesnt work...we can just dance in the street.
-tad | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | the heater | | Security: | | | Time: | 11:22 pm | | Current Mood: |  sick |
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| I kind of feel like poop, to be honest with you.
The weather is changing so my allergies are all like "EFF you" and it sucks.
And i'm also kind of hungry and im pretty sure i only ate 2 poptarts( at 2 seperate times, mind you) and a gigantic blueberry bagel.
Wegmans is pretty awesome like that.
i have to figure out stuff for where to hell im going next semester.SOON.otherwise im screwed.again.
but theres sort of too many things that i want to do and unless your allowed to minor in 3 things then i have some thinking to do and i am SUPER confused. I dont want to make the wrong choice again and be stuck in a bunch of classes that i hate.
I also read a book this week. That sounds so crazy because i actually finised it in less than a week. Not that it was s0me big ridiculously long book or anything but thats besides the point.
Anyyyyyways...im going to go find some food and take some pills so as to feel less poop-like.
i feel like a rocketship is trying to escape out of the back of my head.
and like theres a big white blurry frame around everything im looking at....probably doesnt make sense but..meh...thats just how it is yo.
more often than often,
myself | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Conor O. is my Her O. | | Security: | | | Subject: | whattheeff | | Time: | 06:05 pm | | Current Mood: |  motherfuckingbitch |
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| SOoo basically i dont understand what makes someone hate someone else who they havent even met and it pisses me off more than anything.She has no right to him keep from being friends w/ someone and i dont understand how someone can be so controlling toward a person they say they love.
All i wanted was to be friends with him and i dont see why she still sees me as a threat to her relationship. This is fucking ridiculous and i dont want us to not be able to talk or to have to lie about the fact that we hang out just so she doesnt get pissed off. I have 800million reasons to hate her because of all the shit thats happened and she has no reason to dislike me anymore. Except i dont hate her. i would rather learn to put up with her childishness than not be able to talk to someone as awesome as he is.
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
everyone is sick and no one is around to go with me to the show and thats exactly what she wants. shes going to think that if i dont show up its because im scared of her and i dont want her to think shes won. But at the same time i dont want to cause anymore problems for him even though this is all his fault for being such a godamn pussy. this sucks. i dont like to go places by myself because in that sort of situation big groups of people make me nervous and extremely uncomfortable. what a waste of $26.
I wish i was enough of a bitch to leave him a comment telling him how it was super cool of him to stop by and hang out for a while.
shes just scared of me because i could kick her ass.
and because she looks like a rat.
what a bitch
lifes a bitch
fuck
bitch
MT time,
more often than not. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | circa survive,the shins, interpol etc. | | Security: | | | Subject: | ...... | | Time: | 01:24 am | | Current Mood: | EFF! |
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| Soooooo...again w/ the lack of updating unless otherwise inspired by anothers update.
I dont know what going on right now and it sort of sucks.
But now that school has started i get to see all the cool people.
And I actually like school, although i have skipped all of my classes atleast once already..but i'm still there and thats the important part.
Who knew you'd need an ID to walk around ECC? Why would i be there if i didnt have to? I am not getting an ID and i am NOT getting a parking permit. That would just make me feel like i had to stay there longer than i alreay want to.
The book i have for my intro, to busniess class is the instructors edition...you would think that would be better than the student one cause you'd know all the answers.
Its not.
There is usually only one slightly more than minor dilemma at one time and this time there is stil only one.
Its sort of nice but at the same time a rather large-ish dilemma so its sort of effecting everything else.
I hate asking for helpful dreams. That was hardly helpful dream-man. Way to make life more confusing. I dont need to dream about something fantastic that already happened that i dont like to talk about and then wake up and find out thats not whats real. damn.
Im trying really hard to not be dumb about the whole thing and just accept the fact that something good has happened to me buuuut...its not working i dont think.
I'm also thinking that maybe ill give it a few more days.
I wish it was easier for me to make decisions like this on my own, although i do love the help of all the friends that help me.
When i read back what i type i seem like a 3rd grade loser. Oh well 3rd grade was kickass.
so tired.
so.
tired.
effer.
-31 | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Skinny Puppy whatwhat?!? | | Security: | | | Subject: | Wax Paper... | | Time: | 01:27 am | | Current Mood: |  tired |
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| So lately things have been going in a way that is not exactly what i would consider normal and i dont really mind...its just different and im not very good at getting used to things that quick.
I've decided that if i ever wanted to be a hustler at a pool hall...i couldnt...because you have to be good to begin with and i need a lot of practice which i dont get when i play because..i just dont thats why.
I have been hanging out with a certain person a lot these past 2 weeks, and rightfully so since we're dating and whatnot, but in return i am missing hang out time with other people that i miss very much so its hard for me to have a good time all the time when im w/ him and his friends when im wondering what my friends are doing.
But i suppose, weird as it sounds, once school starts again it will be easier for me to see the people i love to see. And, by the way, i am definitely looking forward to ECC more than any person should. I cant wait to actually be learning shit and that kinda scares me. hopefully people there will want to be my friend otherwise it might end like villa did and id like to get through atleast one semester this time.
I might one day be a line-dancing champion so watch out.
i dont know where exactly to watch other than the dance floor at Fin-Blinity but...you know.
I am very tired and have to be up earlyish which i am not excited about but tomorrow will still be a fun time because no matter what i really like hanging out with him.
Mom bought me a bunch of shirts today and a pair of the most comfortable pants you will never wear. Because i own them. And a pillow. Because she can tell when im not feeling like my normal self and thinks that buying mt things makes me happy. An i would like to say that things like that dont work but...sometimes it does because my mom is the coolest.
9.5 hours and i must be awake.
Not gonna lie...I <3 line dancing w/ my HOMIES POOK LAURA KURT and EMILY.
And phone calls from MCHEATHER.
And HILARY because she makes me smile...because shes hilary.
And all of my friends in general.The awesomazing ever.
And pool w/ the JFK peeps.
And Elmwood.
And my dog.
Ahhhh joel...
pretty cool.
so tired.
-Yuh Mutha'
And Pizza. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Yeah yeah yeahs | | Security: | | | Subject: | noooooooooooooooope | | Time: | 12:02 am | | Current Mood: |  efferrrrrrr |
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| They say all the boys are monsters
All the girls are whores...
I love that song.
Thats really all.
i have 5 dollars.
dontevenmessw/it.
serrrrrrrriously.
i dont even know.
so inbetween.
as usual.
of course.
shhhhhhit-taaaay.
fuckitfuckitfuck.
-Anon. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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